Author Archives: thenewsnottheweather

Vol. 10 – Area Man Breaks Phone After Losing Temper With ‘Angry Birds,’ Says Game Is ‘Bullshit’

By Ryan Gaston With over 12 million copies downloaded worldwide, ‘Angry Birds’ has become one of the most widely successful and universally praised games to come out in recent memory. Its ease of use, combined with its instantly addictive gameplay, … Continue reading

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Vol. 9 – As 2012 Approaches, Hallmark Readies New Line Of ‘Happy Last Birthday’ Cards

By Ryan Gaston In an attempt to get a jump on the impending destruction of all mankind that is rapidly approaching us this next year, Hallmark announced today that they are in the very early stages on a new line … Continue reading

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Vol. 8 – M. Night Shyamalan Working On Newest Comedy

By Ryan Gaston When he burst onto the scene in 1999 with his mind-bending ghost thriller ‘The Sixth Sense,’ M. Night Shyamalan was instantly viewed as a force to be reckoned with, and the release of his next few follow-ups, … Continue reading

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Vol. 7 – New Online Dating Site Revolutionizing The Way People Get Turned Down

By Ryan Gaston Working the dating scene can often feel like a never-ending uphill battle. Much like working out, there is often a lot of work required to put in, and at the end of the day there is often … Continue reading

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Vol. 6 – Still No Advances For Police As Serial Killer Claims Seventh Victim

By Ryan Gaston Police investigation remains in a deadlock today as another murder victim has been discovered following the same pattern of six previous homicides by an assailant who has come to be known around law enforcement circles as “The … Continue reading

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Vol. 5 – Area Man Receives Passive Aggressive Note From Roommate After Drinking All The Milk

By Ryan Gaston Jeremiah Dodson arrived home Monday evening from work to find a piece of paper taped to the refrigerator with the hand writing of of his roommate, Isaac Hardley, filling the page from top to bottom. Eager to … Continue reading

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Vol. 4 – Sensible Parents Ready To Admit Their Newborn Baby Is Not That Cute

By Ryan Gaston Dennis and Charlotte Madsen recently fulfilled a lifelong dream of finally having a baby together. The loving couple was married in the summer of 2005, and have been trying to get pregnant ever since. However, their path … Continue reading

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