Vol. 5 – Area Man Receives Passive Aggressive Note From Roommate After Drinking All The Milk

By Ryan Gaston

Jeremiah Dodson arrived home Monday evening from work to find a piece of paper taped to the refrigerator with the hand writing of of his roommate, Isaac Hardley, filling the page from top to bottom. Eager to see what his roommate had left for him, he pulled the paper down and quickly found the note to be hostile in nature, and dripping with sarcasm.

It was not until he was finished reading that the true explanation of the note became clear to Dodson, the result of which being linked to Jeremiah drinking the last of the milk the night before, that Hardley had purchased, leaving Hardley to be forced to eat dry cereal for breakfast, to the fullest extent of the word.

“I’m really not sure what to make of this,” Dodson said, awe struck, as he scanned over the note for a second time. “This seems like it might be a joke, but I really can’t tell for sure.”

Some excerpts from the note include Hardley referring to Dodson as “a leech who never contributes anything, but takes everything,” as well as an instance where Hardley tells Dodson that he “doesn’t go shopping so you can have something to eat.” According to the note, such occasions are not uncommon, but apparently, it seems that Hardley has reached his breaking point. Other examples cited include a time when Hardley found an IOU in a chip clip, where his newly opened bag of Sun Chips had once resided, and also the return of a used condom that Dodson told him was still good to use, because he “didn’t finish.”

In response to the condom incident, Jeremiah says, “I’ve got to plead ignorance on that one. How was I supposed to know that girl I met wasn’t clean? Isaac will try to have you believe that I gave his girlfriend herpes, but I don’t see how that’s possible since the closest we’ve ever come to having sex was when I walked in on her in the shower. I really don’t think it’s my fault, at least not 100%.”

When an offer was made to replace the milk by Dodson, Isaac replied, “Well, that would be a start in the right direction at least. I don’t really see how a gallon of milk can make up for everything else, but let’s just work with baby steps.” Jeremiah agreed to try and do better in the future about being “that guy” all of the time, and do more to chip in. Hardley admits that he should have brought up his grievances long ago, but is just relieved to know that the situation is getting resolved now.

Jeremiah opted to cut the interview short to have time to go replace the milk, but stopped on his way out to ask Isaac, “Hey man, you think you could spot me a few bucks?”

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