Vol. 2 – Co-Workers Endure Months Of Victimization At Hand Of Fellow Employee

By Ryan Gaston

Employees at the office of Silotech International have been the victims of multiple attacks over the last few months from a fellow office mate named Kenny Hytner. The attacks, however, have not been violent, but instead Hytner has aggressively forced his high opinion of the movie “Role Models” on anyone foolish enough to engage him in a conversation. Beginning last November when the film was released in theaters, Hytner used every opportunity he could to discuss his favorite parts of the movie, and explain, in detail, the best jokes, and why they were funny. Hytner used such means as email, inter-office phone calls, and surprise pop-ins to ambush people who were quietly working at their desks giving them no chance to get away, all the while insisting to his co-workers that they go see “the funniest movie I’ve seen since ‘Without A Paddle.’”

Ross Gants, a long time sufferer of Hytners’ relentlessness tells us “One of the most annoying parts for me at least is that I know more about the movie than [Hytner] does, and I haven’t seen it yet. When he tells people about the movie, he only refers to the actors by the movies they’ve already been in, not their real names, or even the names of their characters. So when he tells me about what ‘Stifler’ did or simply ‘that one guy,’ I know he’s talking about Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd.”

When asked if he thought he would ever see the movie, after hearing the plot and jokes recited day after day, Gants shrugged.

“He has only gotten worse since the movie came out [on video],” Gants added. “I’m pretty sure he goes home and watches it every night after work so he can come back in the morning and butcher lines from a movie that no one else in the office has seen. And it sucks, because at one time I really wanted to see the movie, but after hearing about how great it is for the past month, I’d be okay if I never saw another movie with ‘that guy from the movie with ‘The Rock’ in it’ again.”

One of the newest employees at Silotech, Ethan Richards tells us that it was only his second day when he was ambushed by by Hytner in the break room. “I didn’t know what to do. All of a sudden this guy I’ve never talked to is asking me what kind of sense of humor I have, and then goes off about a ‘Whispering Eye’ for the next fifteen minutes. I decided I’m going to start taking my lunch at my desk from now on.” Richards adds with the sound of defeat in his voice, “but I know that probably won’t stop him. I heard that when ‘Norbit’ came out, he did the same thing. I’m really glad I wasn’t here for that one.”

Sources tell us that before going crazy about ‘Role Models’ Hytner talked non-stop about ‘Norbit’ which was preceded by ‘Meet The Spartans.’

All of the employees at Silotech feel that they are in a lose-lose situation as well, because if they see the movie in hopes that Hytner will finally let it go, they run the risk of striking up a whole new conversation with him about it, but if they take a stand on not seeing the movie altogether, they worry that his rants will never stop. A woman in the office who asked to remain anonymous tells us that after weighing those two options against one another she finally rested on what the best solution would be, “I was on my way to put in my two weeks when you stopped me.”

When finally getting a chance to talk to Hynter, every question we asked him was followed up with a ten-minute explanation about how it reminded him of ‘Role Models.’ As it turns out, Hytner had a girlfriend who left him after watching ‘Role Models’ together, which is “just like what happens to the guy in the movie, except, in the movie she comes back.”

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